


Equivocation of Terms

by Talik_Sanis



Series: Miraculous Crackfics [17]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien Agreste Is Sunshine, Again How Is That A Tag?, Crack, Crack Polyamory, F/F, F/M, Fangirls, Good Parent Gabriel Agreste, Hot Mess Nino Lahiffe, Implied Orgy?, Interviews, M/M, Multi, Nadja Chamack is thirsty for juice, OT6, Oblivious Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Polyamory, Pre-Poly, Protective Nino Lahiffe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:21:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28916760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talik_Sanis/pseuds/Talik_Sanis
Summary: Famed Parisian model, Adrien Agreste, confirms that he is gay!See the scintillating, explosive interview with Nadja Chamack!
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Everyone, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Nino Lahiffe, Adrien Agreste/Alya Césaire/Luka Couffaine/Marinette Dupain-Cheng/Nino Lahiffe/Kagami Tsurugi
Series: Miraculous Crackfics [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1755580
Comments: 23
Kudos: 67





	Equivocation of Terms

"And can you tell me something about your school life? How are your classes?"

Interviews involving pre-screened questions that had been carefully worded and reworded based on a PR firm's marketing surveys are no fun whatsoever.

It's only natural that Nadja Chamack, who hungers to be something more than an insipid talk-show host and local reporter, chaffs under the restrictions, but if she's going to keep her job, she has to toe the line when it comes to the rare opportunity to interview Adrien Agreste, famed teenage model.

They've been chatting about his canned answers for almost ten minutes now. An audience of Adrien fan-girls brought in to establish the proper aesthetic coos and cheers, siting, rapt, in the darkened [studio seats beyond the lighted stage that approaches the unreal.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZiRuj2_czzw&ab_channel=RushVEVO)

"Well, it's _great_.” From the way the Agreste heir is rubbing his hands together, and bouncing his foot, this question is the first one about which he's genuinely excited. “I love the chance to work with other students, see how they think about things. All of us have different perspectives on the world based on our life experiences, and I think that's what an education is all about – learning to see the world through different eyes."

"That's a very enlightened attitude." Nadja nods, plastic smile firmly in place to keep from screaming. The dopey blond is pretty sweet, but so _boringly_ wholesome. She needs _juice_ for the squeeze! "So you treat your studies quite seriously then?"

"Oh yeah! It's very important for me to perform well. Not because I want to show off, but because I want my father to be proud of me."

Daddy issues, huh?

"Surely it's not all work and no play.” A sardonic side-eye to the audience, who probably hope that they'll get some meaty details. It's all show, of course. They're still completely on script.

Why hadn't Nadja gone into dentistry?

“What do you do to keep yourself relaxed?"

"I spend as much time with my friends as I can." Body language is easy to read when he's so honest. The little nervous neck-rub is a clear tell. It's not _enough_ time. She could press, drag out... repression? Something about a domineering daddy and not in the fun way?

"Oh, can you tell me about them?" Gag. Dull. Please don't.

"Sure! There's Marinette, who's just really caring and sweet, such a good friend to everyone. She's so talented too – even winning one of my father's design contests and impressing Audrey Bourgeois to the point that she earned the offer of an internship."

 _Mm_. That's the stuff. Nadja holds back a grin as she leans back into her chair to lighten the pressure. Make him feel relaxed. [Smells like teen ~~spirit~~](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTWKbfoikeg&ab_channel=NirvanaVEVO) romance. A crush, at least.

Unfortunately, she'll get fired if she presses.

"She sounds very special."

_Don't do it Nadja._

"Oh, she is! And then there's my best friend Nino. I never knew what it was like to have such a good friend, but now I do!" The blond teen shakes his head with a slightly dreamy smile. "He makes me so gay."

Nadja, along with the rest of the film crew that she can see out of her peripheries, boggles, her jaw twitching as she chokes into the microphone affixed to her blouse.

The model, however, just sits there on the comfy sofa, gleaming pure in the stage lights and grinning as if he's just... waiting for the next question without a care in the world.

As if Adrien F'ing Agreste _hadn't_ just outed himself in front of a live studio audience.

... screw staying on script!

"Just to confirm for our viewers: you're saying that you're... gay?"

Half the fan girls have already fainted; a quarter are transitioning from shock to open weeping; and the rest...

Well, Nadja knows what it's like to be a thirsty teenage girl.

She had her own stash of Yaoi manga under her bed, after all, back in the 90s.

And those faces are _parched_.

"Well, it's tough sometimes,” Adrien grants with a slow nod towards the still-conscious members of the audience, “but we all have our struggles, and it's not like someone in my position has the right to complain."

True. In his industry, and with his resources, it wasn't like he was going to be suffering from _too_ much ostracism.

"You've been photographed with Mr.-" What is that hat boy's last name again? "Uh. Mr. Nino on numerous occasions. How would you ... describe your relationship with him?"

"Oh, he's amazing! He's always worried about me, asking me how I'm doing, and he knows just what to say when I'm feeling down."

That answer is so sweetly-innocent that it almost gets to her. She blinks, but after all these years of nearly being killed while chasing down Akumas, she can keep her composure.

"With your schedule, are you able to see him very often?"

"Not as much as I'd like. I have too many extra-curriculars, so my father won't let him come over to the mansion."

A sanitized answer, if Adrien's little wincing smile is anything to go by, which the entirety of the Adrien Agreste fanclub, that had already opened up a new Adrino shipping section on their main fan page and was now in the process of developing copious amount of gay fan art, realizes.

 _Gabriel_ stock drops twelve points on the revelation that the senior Agreste is a homophobe who's trying to invalidate his son's sexuality and prevent him from seeing his adorable boyfriend.

In the interview room itself, however...

Dare she ask? It is a scoop, and Adrien's of age at sixteen.

"Would you be willing to speak about the extent of your relationship?"

"Um. Could you clarify the question?"

"Do you... what's the nature of your – your physical relationship?"

Holy crap! She's getting fired, and possibly killed in an "accident" arranged by Gabriel Agreste, but _Worth It!_

"Oh, that! It's great. I mean, I probably shouldn't be talking about this sort of thing in an official interview, but, well, he gives great hugs. He knows just how to make you feel warm and safe, kind of like my other good friend, Luka Couffaine."

New headline, with Nadia's name right there in bold: _Adrien Agreste Sexually Active in Gay Polyamorous Relationship!_

_See the interview with Pulitzer Prize winning reporter, Nadja Chamack!_

This interview is totally Pulitzer-worthy journalism.

Totally.

Also, while the Adrien Agreste fanclub artwork's orientation remains consistent, the seme is not the same.

And [things are really getting out of hand: now there are two of them.](https://i.imgur.com/w8Mlgzr.jpg)

Her name will go down in history.

"Well, that is _quite_ the revelation," she grants with sincerity, leaning into his space to make herself seem invested in more than just the _story_. A good reporter knows how to sell the emotion of the moment.

Her entire production crew is staring on in abashed horror and awe at her journalistic skill and the size of her copious cojones, but the way her director is flying out of the production booth tells her she has about five seconds.

"On that note, I think that's all the time that we have for tonight, folks! I'm Nadja Chamack."

_Remember it, folks. I'm Nadja F'ing Chamack!_

That's going on her tombstone.

* * *

Even under normal circumstances, Adrien attracts attention when he arrives at school.

Nino has learnt to deal. It's his way.

Like a good bro, now waiting by the steps and glaring off gaggles of fan girls, he has prepared the way of the Adrien Agreste Fan Club's Lord by clearing a path for him before he pulls up in his luxury car.

Marinette already intercepted Wayham and reported him to the school's security officers.

That boy ain't quite right.

The continued exuberance of Adrien's fans, despite his years in the public education system, is shocking, but it only becomes truly problematic when some new adverting campaign or publicity maneuver thrusts him back into the spotlight. It's a dangerous thing, being famous.

Not that his old man would care.

Fortunately, the wait is over, and the way is still clear for Adrien as he disembarks from his Tsurugi-brand automobile under the Gorilla's watchful eye and waves.

The sun caught in his coiffed blond hair, getting tangled up as if it's jealous and longs to bury itself in a golden radiance that eclipses-

Ah, hell.

Nino's poeticizing _hard_.

About Adrien's luscious locks.

Not good.

But better than his luscious pink _li_ -

“Hey, Mec!” Waving the model over proves a poor choice, as Adrien's resultant smile has Nino blanching so deeply at the sheer gloriousness of his... _gay_ friend that he feels like he belongs in some possibly unintentionally-racist whitewashed fan comic adaptation of his bro's life wherein the DJ supporting character is just a bit player.

“Nino!” Adrien greets, reaching the steps and plopping down his bag.

“You doing alright?”

“Sure.” The blond's tone is reassuring, and Nino feels his stomach start to unclench. It's just Adrien after all. “I'm a little tired, but that's pretty standard stuff.”

“Saw your interview.” Nino understands that it is not necessary to say that he saw _part_ of it. Fortunately, Alya was there to catch his head when he fainted. “Is, uh, everything alright with your pops?”  
  
“Even better than alright. We had a _great_ talk last night.”

“Really?” Nino cocks a brow at his bro's syrupy smile. The bastard _hadn't_ come down on his bro like a hammer for embarrassing the company, or something ridiculous like that?

“Yeah.” Genuine grin plastered to his face, Adrien's gazing at the bright blue sky and all those fluffy white clouds. “We sat down with some tea and he, well, he apologized for not letting me see you, because he said that he knows what it's like.”

Nino has to lean against the railing that leads up to the school entrance to support his weakened legs. “Wow. I guess your dad... isn't _that_ bad.”

Still terrible, but at least he wasn't a bigot. Huge point in his favour. Shit parent, but maybe not the shit _person_ that Nino had believed him to be.

“He said that, as long as I keep my grades up, keep attending all my extra-curriculars, and schedule at least a day in advance, we can hang out whenever we want!” Those good vibrations of Adrien's entire body were adorably alluring.

“That's ... actually what I wanted to talk to you about, Mec. Alya and I were wondering if you, uh, wanted to... _do_ something with us sometime?”

“Sure!” Adrien gushes, and his presence is like a sweaty, stifling heatwave as he settle next to Nino on the rail and gives his shoulder a tentative squeeze. “Did you have anything in mind? I'll try to make sure that my schedule will allow it.”

“We- we can work around your schedule, just to make things more comfortable.” Nino passes his tongue over dry lips.” We were thinking of starting... small. Maybe just going to see a movie together?”

“Oh, I'd love that, but I really wanted to see _A Whisker Away_.”

Of course. Whatever his bro needs to be comfortable with this sort of thing. “Haven't heard of that one before, Mec? When is it coming out?”

“It's already on Netflix!”

“You- you want to-” Nino swallows, pulling off his cap to smooth away the perspiration that is suddenly dripping down his brow- “watch _Netflix_?”

“Yeah. I mean, it's so much more relaxing when you're at home, right? Maybe we can do it at Marinette's place. Everything's so warm and cozy there – so much easier to just... chill.”

“Netflix... _and_ chill.”

“Yeah.”  
  
“At _Marinette's,_ ” Nino strains, blinking rapidly to clear the sun out of his eyes. He's on the verge of going blind, but Alya will _so_ love the idea of getting up-close-and-personal with her bestie and having the opportunity to christen her favourite ship as it sets sail.

“If she'll let us. She has so many sweet treats to eat,” Adrien enthuses, flushing.

Was it possible that Adrien could match Alya's thirst for Marinette that they never talked about until last night when the whole potential-poly-bisexual thing came up?

“Okay. Th- that can be arranged.”

“Great!” Adrien cheers, collecting his bag so that he can hug it in a way that Nino kind of wants to feel for himself. “Ooh- maybe we can invite Kagami and Luka, too. Turn it into a group sleepover, if my father will let me.”

“You want all _five_ of us?!” Not what he'd been expecting of his... “innocent” friend. Poly was one thing; orgy was another, but Luka did have that cute punk vibe mixed with a certain serpentine sexiness...

“It would be hard to fit us all in.” Thumb to his chin as he mimes deep thought, Adrien hums, calculating eyes suddenly such an intense molten green that Nino has to make several attempts to swallow the dryness out of his mouth “But we could do it.”

“Yeah... I- I guess we _could_ , Mec.”

It seems as if Adrien is on the cusp of responding, but the discordant wail of the first bell interrupts him.

“Talk after class?” Adrien asks with a wink.

Be still Nino's – he mentally checks his pulse... yes – beating heart.

“Sure, Mec.”

 _Adrien_ , Alya, Kagami, Marinette, Luka... and him.

Yeah. They can do that.

Meandering up the stairs that lead into College Francois Dupont as he trails after his friend who - Nino checks because he's weak, just for a moment – has a _great_ rump, Nino texts Alya regarding preparations.  
  
Given what Kagami had to say about Marinette's hair, and Luka being a bit of a fuckboi...

They can _absolutely_ do that.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this was supposed to be around 700 words, just to get to the punchline. 
> 
> I hate myself sometimes.


End file.
